I like brunch.

Poco

Restaurant Information:

33 Ave B
New York, NY 10009

(212) 228-4461

http://www.poconyc.com/

Service 6/20 or 30%

  • Hostess(3/5 points)

    I think the hostess was the last competent person I interacted with at that restaurant.

  • Promptness(1/5 points)

    We were seated probably twenty minutes after our reservations. Our orders were taken shortly thereafter. We ordered a starter and that came out in a reasonable amount of time. Our dishes were served much later, and when we were served three of the four dishes came out together, then there was a ten minute wait for the fourth. I even saw one woman try to chase her waitress down to pay the bill and leave. Simply unacceptable.

  • Alertness(0/5 points)

    These people are fucking clueless; I never thought I’d give a zero, but they really worked for it. I ordered sangria as my drink of choice and I was served a mimosa. When I corrected the waitress, she just said “Oh.” Then I specifically ordered the sangria for the second drink, again I was served a mimosa. I also ordered coffee twice and was never served it until some one else at the table asked a third time; it was served with no spoon so I was forced to use my knife. The last straw came when I tried to order bacon as a side dish: I was given the “just one minute” gesture, by not one but two waiters. I gave up after that.

  • Friendliness(2/5 points)

    The hostess was nice. The waitress we had faked nice, but obviously didn’t care. I kind of wish I hadn’t tipped her.


Food and Drink 9/20 or 45%

  • Price(2/5 points)

    The meal was prefixed at $22, which was about ten dollars higher than it should have been. The appetizer was $12. I feel like I got scammed, I really do.

  • Quality of Food(2/5 points)

    We started with the lobster mac and cheese; it was bland, but creamy. It really needed a hint of paprika or some kind of seasoning. I ordered the poco pancakes: chocolate chip pancakes with a dulce leche drizzle, light on the drizzle. I sampled the home fries off my friend’s plate and they tasted like over cooked potatoes, nothing more. The salmon benedict just tasted gross. I couldn’t even eat a second bite of it. My friend left it half eaten, as she faced the same problem.

  • Quality of Beverage(2/5 points)

    The coffee was undrinkable. The mimosas tasted like they were made with the worst quality ingredients and I doubt it was even orange juice that was used. The drinks that come with the meal are served in half mason jars, which are kind of pointless.

  • Presentation(3/5 points)

    There wasn’t anything really special about the presentation, just middle of the road.



Decor and Space 11/20 or 55%

  • Cleanliness(3/5 points)

    Everything was about as clean as you would expect. Nothing really stood out here.

  • Theme(4/5 points)

    It’s a Spanish restaurant and bar. It should stick to that. I loved the turquoise painted air conditioner. The walls were colored vivaciously and I loved that they opened up the windows and doors so you could feel outside even if you weren’t.

  • Adequate Seating(2/5 points)

    They simply don’t have enough seating. Also, the table we sat at had ridiculously high stool chairs. I’m 6’5” and my feet were dangling, not touching the ground. The women I was with had to basically climb into their seats. I’m not sure if this is the greatest idea considering the amount of booze people are focused on drinking here.

  • Location(2/5 points)

    Unless you live in the neighborhood, you’re going to have quite the hike getting to this place. It’s probably a better idea to save yourself the hassle and go somewhere else.


Bonus(5 points)

1 point for taking reservations

Total Score 26/60, with bonus 27/60 or 45%

Prune

Restaurant Information:

54 East 1st Street  

New York, NY 10003-9313 
Get Directions 

(212) 677-6221  

prunerestaurant.com

Service* 7/15 or 46.67%

  • Hostess(5 points) (N/A)

  • Promptness(3/5 points)

    I was seated and given a menu almost as soon as possible. The food was served shortly there after and with out much ado.

  • Alertness(2/5 points)

    I don’t think this waitress cared at all about her job. The place was dead as could be with maybe five tables for her to look over in the entire restaurant. She spent more time talking with the bartender about some guy she just started dating than with all of her customers combined. She didn’t even attempt to refill my water or coffee. Personally, I hope the relationship works out, because her job isn’t.

  • Friendliness(2/5 points)

    I think the waitress could have been friendly, but her indifference soured the experience. The chefs looked like they really enjoyed what they were doing and would have been open to talking if they had the time. I think the bartender definitely gets points here.


Food and Drink 15/20 or 75%

  • Price(3/5 points)

    For the quality of drink and the excellent presentation you got what you paid for here. Otherwise, I felt like I got ripped off completely and there was more style than substance for what I got.

  • Quality of Food(3/5 points)

    The food itself was quite tasty. I had their version of traditional New Orleans meal, Eggs Sardou. The confectioners sugar slipped into the hot sauce gently and mixed well for an excellent addition to the dish flavor-wise. It all went downhill from there. There are a few unspoken rules of brunch and serving poached eggs with bread is one of them; unfortunately, the chef was unaware of this rule. After my eggs had been popped and the artichoke hearts, eaten, the plate turned into a pool of yoke, sweet hot sauce, and little else. It was served with three small fries—honestly, they were there primarily for decorative purposes. The normal way this dish is served is over creamed spinach, but their version left that out completely. If they had included the creamed spinach and provided a proper spoon, this dish would have been executed much better.

  • Quality of Beverage(4/5 points)

    The coffee was good, not great. However, it was served with individual sugar cubes, both raw and refined. Cream was on the side in a small pitcher, per usual. The water was served in a tiny glass.

  • Presentation(5/5 points)

    Everything really did look quite delicious. I don’t think it would be possible for them to have done a better job on presentation. It’s so disappointing that the rest didn’t fare as well.

Decor and Space 14/20 or 70%

  • Cleanliness(4/5 points)

    Everything was quite clean. I was impressed by the spotlessness of the tables and counter tops. All of my dishes looked brand new, save my flatware.

  • Theme(3/5 points)

    I don’t think this place knows what it wants to be. Half of it screams Parisian cafe, half of it mumbles old Americana. I particularly love the bench on the side wall and the use of mirrors near the ceilings. I would kill for that bench.

  • Adequate Seating(4/5 points)

    I want to give this place a higher rating for their use of seating. The layout is superb, but the size of this place is just too small. It needs to move to a much larger space desperately.

  • Location(3/5 points)

    I thought about giving this a higher score because of it’s incredible closeness to the subway stop at second avenue. Then, I remembered Joe Doe was right across the street, does a far better job with everything Prune claims to do, isn’t pretentious, and actually likes their customers. Just go to Joe Doe, you’ll have a better time.


Bonus(5 points)

One point for serving a ginger treat with the check.

Total Score 36/55 with bonus 37/55 or 67.27%

*The caveat to this is that I visited on a Tuesday afternoon. Trying to get into this place on a weekend is a nightmare and should be avoided completely.

Roebling Tea House

Restaurant Information:

143 Roebling St
Brooklyn, NY 11211-3365
(718) 963-0760
Get directions

Map:
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Service  10/20 or 50%

  • Hostess(1/5 points)

I was baffled at how bad this hostess actually was.  She would wait for people to come in and put their name on a list then walk away completely.  She’d then return and tell them their wait time.  Once she thought she had a table for you she would then wander off again to figure out which table to place you.  I really think she had no concept of how to do her job.

  • Promptness(2/5 points)

Once we were seated we were instantly approached by our waitress.  We were left to ponder the menus for mere moments before she was back asking for our order.  My friend scrambled to order something she had no idea what it was.

  • Alertness(4/5 points)

I will say our drinks were refilled with out a heart beat being missed and I wouldn’t have noticed her if it weren’t for the giant bottle of water plopped down on our table.

  • Friendliness(3/5 points)
I want to say they were friendly, but really I think everyone that works in the waitstaff was just trying to act friendly but really trying to appear like they just don’t care.


Food and Drink 8/20 or 40%

  • Price(1/5 points)

This place was so ridiculously overpriced for what you got that I was kind of insulted.  I felt like my meal probably could have cost 3-4$ less than it did as could have my friends.

  • Quality of Food(3/5 points)

My chicken fried steak was delicious but the steak definitely wasn’t cooked all the way through and I could have done with a bit more of the gravy.  My friend’s dish was basically glorified mixed vegetables with scrambled eggs and bland as bland can be.

  • Quality of Beverage(2/5 points)

My friend said the coffee was nothing to write home about but they did have an extensive listing of teas.  I stuck to water which was served to us in an used wine or champagne bottle.  I was completely unsurprised that the waitress plopped a bottle down on our table, but it seemed like a pain to her to do it in the first place.  This is exactly why I hate The Water Bottle Problem, it turns the simple task of serving water into something that annoys you.

  • Presentation(2/5 points)

If they put effort into the presentation, it wasn’t on the two dishes we ordered.  Everything just looked kind of slapdash.

Decor and Space 15/20 or 75%

  • Cleanliness(3/5 points)

The plates, glasses, and flatware looked about as clean as I would expect, but nothing remarkable.

  • Theme(5/5 points)

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the decor.  This place would be amazing if the waitstaff, price, and food selection didn’t blow.  Personally, I really want to take my camera and do a photo shoot in the restaurant.  The wood tables and patterned wall paper comfort you and the lighting from the large windows make everything feel much warmer.  I didn’t get a chance to sit outside as it was raining, but that option is available if you want it.

  • Adequate Seating(4/5 points)
This I had a hard time grading, I’m not going to lie.  I think this place is actually perfectly designed seating wise, but because of the hostess’ incompetence interjects an unnecessary delay which in turn creates the illusion that there is inadequate seating when really she could split a four top in to two two tops or the other way around and be fine.  I don’t think though she had the capacity to figure that out on her own though and thus the place looked far more packed than it should.
  • Location(3/5 points)

The restaurant is just a short walk from the Bedford L stop or a bit further of a walk from the Lorimer L stop.  The wide open sidewalks make for a pleasant post brunch stroll.  The restaurant is just far enough away from the hipsters that you don’t run into a ton of them, but enough of them gather at the restaurant for it to be annoying and that comes with the Williamsburg location.


Bonus(5 points)

If I could give negative bonus points, I would.

Overall score 33/60 or 55%

Bar Breton

Restaurant Information:

254 5th Ave

New York, NY 10001

(212) 213-4999

chefpiano.com

Map:
View Larger Map

Service 11/20 or 55%

  • Hostess(3/5 points)
The hostess was friendly and promptly sat me at a two person table.  Her service was what I would expect but nothing more.
  • Promptness(3/5 points)
The food didn’t take too long to get to us nor did we wait forever to order.  Everything was about average timing wise.  Alertness was more of an issue, though.
  • Alertness(2/5 points)
The waiter was fairly cognizant of our need for water, which I appreciated, but other than that he was kind of oblivious.  We asked for more milk for our coffee twice and it never got refilled.  Also, we asked for more coffee and each of us got only half a cup.  The next time I asked for coffee I got three fourths of a cup.
  • Friendliness(3/5 points)
The people there seemed to have good intentions just did a poor job of much of anything else.  I don’t really see them as going out of their way for any customer in the near future as our service was barely acceptable when the restaurant wasn’t that busy.


Food and Drink 9/20 or 45%

  • Price(1/5 points)
I was going to give this a two, but then I remembered I was charged six dollars for the bacon that was advertised as being five dollars.  Coffee was three dollars and worth maybe one.  My “french toast” was ridiculously priced at twelve dollars.  I left this place feeling like I was ripped off completely.
  • Quality of Food(2/5 points)
At no time during a brunching experience should I ever think, “I should have just paid five dollars at Dunkin Donuts,” but I did.  My “french toast”—I’m using quotes because no part of it tasted/resembled french toast—really tasted like a icing filled donut.  Also, there was really only one square of it.  My bacon was slim, crumbly, and otherwise unremarkable.  It’s truly sad when the best part of my dish was the fruit that garnished it.  On the other hand, my friend’s Madison galette was a surprising mixture of flavors; I’d order one of their galettes if you find yourself stuck here in the future.  Although I found it odd that a dessert menu was offered, the Nutella crepe was fairly tasty.
  • Quality of Beverage(2/5 points)
The coffee was kind of bad, which I’d normally just write off as having a bad cup.  But then I had another cup and got coffee grounds at the bottom of my cup.  Gross.  It really wasn’t that good.
  • Presentation(4/5 points)
Everything did look quite wonderful when it was presented to us.  However, I think only the Nutella crepe lived up to expectations; the rest was a total wash.  Each piece of our meal was presented on an adequately sized dish, some more decorated than others.

Decor and Space 11/20 or 55%

  • Cleanliness(3/5 points)
All the tables, flatware, dishware, and glassware look as clean as I would expect, nothing out of the ordinary in either direction.
  • Theme(3/5 points)
I can’t really say this place had a theme.  Maybe it was a wine bar, maybe it was a restaurant; I couldn’t tell.  I liked the use of color but not the bench seating.  It really felt like they had two totally different interior designers come in to work on the place: one for the walls and ceilings, etc. and the other for the tables and chairs.
  • Adequate Seating(2/5 points)
I’m 6’5” and my friend is 5’8” yet our knees kept bumping into one another at the incredibly uncomfortable booth we were seated in for our meal.  I think they probably could have lost a table or two and easily made the seating far more enjoyable.  By the end of the meal both of us had just swung our legs out to the aisle and leaned back against the wall as we talked.
  • Location(3/5 points)
It’s a very short walk from the subway in a very odd part of Manhattan.  The neighborhood makes me feel like Chinatown tried to open a second section of town on 28th street, but made it even shadier.


Bonus(5 points)

No bonus points could be awarded.

Total score 31/60 or 51.67%

Gottino

Restaurant Information:

52 Greenwich Ave # B

New York, NY 10011-8309

(212) 633-2590

ilovegottino.com

Map:
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Service (10/20) or 50%

  • Hostess(2/5 points)
I’m not really sure if the woman that I spoke with was the hostess, a woman that was some how involved with the restaurant, or just a customer.  Also, the time estimates were vastly inaccurate.  When I first got there I asked how long it would be to get a table outside and I was told 30 minutes; fair, but what bothered me was I heard the same estimate given out repeatedly even though no one left in the time I was there.
  • Promptness(1/5 points)
I shouldn’t ever have to ask for my coffee twice.  Also, it took near half a hour for our food to be presented.  Our coffees actually got served at the same time our food did which spells major issue in streamlining to me.  The waitstaff clearly had food assignments as well as their regular duties and I think in trying to balance out the two they ended up being sub-par in both which was disappointing.
  • Alertness(3/5 points)
I’d say the wait staff was about as alert as I’d expect, but then again they were right in front of me at the bar so there wasn’t much of a chance for them to miss anything.
  • Friendliness(4/5 points)
Every one I encountered there was quite friendly, almost surprisingly so, considering how mismanaged everything else was service-wise.


Food and Drink (14/20) or 70%

  • Price(2/5 points)
This almost got a one on price, but I decided that the coffee was worth far more than the three dollars I paid for it.  I probably would have paid four dollars for it.  But, the food was way overpriced.  Expect to get about half the portion size of other places.  I’m pretty sure that the dishes were served on saucers or at least small plates, so you get an idea of what I’m talking about here.
  • Quality of Food(5/5 points)
Amazing.  The food was so flavorful.  Clearly the focus of this establishment was the quality of their food and they nailed it.  I had the over easy eggs with bacon, which might be the best bacon I’ve ever had.  It was served with two small slices of bread that proved a bit tricky with the flatware I was using.  Also, the food was incredibly rich.  I wasn’t full when I was done eating, but it sat heavy in my stomach.
  • Quality of Beverage(4/5 points)
This would have gotten a five, but the water was served in essentially shot glasses.  Also, the water bottle problem reared its ugly head here, but in the form of a giant bottle of water that was shared amongst several people at the bar.  The coffee was probably the best cup I’ve had yet.  It was rich, flavorful, with a hint of sweetness and bitterness, i.e. the way coffee should taste.
  • Presentation(3/5 points)
The waiter did an excellent job of presenting our food and drinks, but when I saw the small sized plates I instantly thought, “that’s it?”  The small plates were overflowing and I think that contributed to make it look kind of a mess.

Decor and Space (10/20) or 50%

  • Cleanliness(3/5 points)
The place was as clean as I would expect.  I didn’t notice anything especially clean or dirty.
  • Theme(4/5 points)
It’s a wine bar with a focus on fine food.  Marble bar with wine stacked along one wall make it glaringly obvious what they’re after in their clientele.
  • Adequate Seating(1/5 points)
I’m pretty sure the bar takes up the vast majority of their seating area.  Their indoor seating and outdoor seating looked cramped.  I’m not exactly a fan of them asking us to sit at the bar after misquoting wait times to me.  If you’re going to have that many people sitting at the bar at least give us stools that are comfortable to sit in while we’re there; I felt like I was sitting on a converted school desk.  Also, they could have taken advantage of their large sidewalk space like their neighbors did and fit a few tables there, but they didn’t.
  • Location(2/5 points)
I was going to give this three, as it is about a medium walk from the subway, but it’s located on Greenwich which means 10th Street intersects 4th Street and things get wacky if you’re not careful.  Also, it sits next to a restaurant that looked like it did a better job at seating and pricing items reasonably.

Bonus(5 points)

One point for playing Beethoven the entire time I was there.

Total score 34/60, with bonus 35/60 or 58.33%

Northeast Kingdom

Restaurant Information:

18 Wyckoff AveBrooklyn, NY 11237-2635
Get Directions

(718) 386-3864

- north-eastkingdom.com

Map:
View Larger Map

Service (6/15) or 40%

  • Hostess(N/A)

There was no hostess that I saw.

  • Promptness(2/5 points)

The bartender/waiter took my order but after that he couldn’t be bothered to follow up with anything.

  • Alertness(1/5 points)

On my seventh attempt to flag the bartender/waiter that was not more than two feet away from me, he finally noticed that I wanted something besides my initial order.  I almost threw my fork at him.  Also, this place gives you a giant bottle of water, which I is major pet peeve of mine.

  • Friendliness(3/5 points)
The people were just about as friendly as you’d expect.


Food and Drink (10/20) or 50%

  • Price(3/5 points)

I’d say the prices were fair for what you got.  That being said…

  • Quality of Food(2/5 points)

My french toast was crunchy?!?! CRUNCHY!! @#%$#.  The only thing that stopped this from getting a one point rating was the bacon; the bacon was fantastic and close to the best I’ve ever had.

  • Quality of Beverage(2/5 points)

The water came in a bottle that was filled with tap water and a very small glass.  The coffee was so bad I thought that I had just gotten a bad cup the first time, but no, it was just bad.

  • Presentation(3/5 points)
The french toast looked nice until I cut into it.  Everything else was just kind of slapdashed.  I get the feeling that not a lot of effort is put into anything at this restaurant.

Decor and Space (11/20) or 55%

  • Cleanliness(3/5 points)

Everything looked as clean as you’d expect.

  • Theme(2/5 points)

The theme really threw me: 90% of the restaurant is a campy hunting lodge theme, but tasteful enough not to offend the hipster locals, and the 10% that makes up the wall to the kitchen looks like a bad attempt at Mondrian art.

  • Adequate Seating(3/5 points)
The seats were placed not too close to each other but not too far either.  I saw a waiter squeeze through behind people a few times, but that’s not out of the ordinary.
  • Location(3/5 points)

It’s a short walk from the L stop, so not too bad.  It’s a bit of a trek out this way, especially if the L isn’t running and you have to take a shuttle bus from Lorimer, which will be continuing until August.


Bonus(5 points)

No bonus points could be awarded.

Overall score: 27/55 or 49%

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