I like brunch.

Arlo & Esme

Restaurant Information:

42 E 1st St

New York, NY 10003-9345

(212) 777-5617

http://arloandesme.com/

Map:

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Service (10/15) or 67%

  • Hostess(N/A)
There really isn’t a hostess, nor are you really designated a waiter or waitress.  They just kind of hover between working behind the bar and waiting on you.
  • Promptness(3/5 points)
They were very good at getting us seated—there was no one there—and at getting our drinks back to us.  However, our food took a while to get there so they end up settles in the middle.  I really think the people working there were more interested in the guys they were dating or what happened last night or, well you get the drift.
  • Alertness(5/5 points)
They filled up my coffee and water like there was no tomorrow.  I really was surprised at how good they were at it.
  • Friendliness(2/5 points)
I wanted to give this a one because the waitresses/bartenders were talking about how a regular comes in, just hangs out/reads/eats/drinks, and they find it creepy.  There is no place in service for talking bad about your regulars while you’re on the job and in ear shot of other customers.  Besides that, they were pretty friendly; I just couldn’t get over that initial bad impression though.


Food and Drink (14/20) or 70%

  • Price(5/5 points)
This place is cheap, really cheap.  The two of us ate brunch for $30 including tip.  There is a trade off to all of this though.
  • Quality of Food(2/5 points)
The food was decent.  I had the French toast with caramelized bananas on top which was tasty, but didn’t really do much more than what was stated.  My guest had the eggs scramble with chorizo, which was the better call of the two.  I kind of felt mislead when I looked at the menu: there were seven items including the soup du jour of melon squash and a special of chicken carbonara.  It’s a half-ass attempt at brunch more than anything else.
  • Quality of Beverage(4/5 points)
The coffee was really good.  I’d come back here for coffee.  The orange juice was so so.  I think this is a place really more focused on being a bar than anything else and it shows.
  • Presentation(3/5 points)
I liked that they served both dishes on completely different plates, but past that there really was no extra effort.

Decor and Space (10/20) or 50%

  • Cleanliness(2/5 points)
There were giant clumps of dust on the shelves lining the walls used to light the wall.  The dishes, etc. were all clean as I would expect.  They really didn’t help themselves by sticking to a very white themed room.
  • Theme(3/5 points)
It’s a basic drink, coffee bar kind of place.  This would have gotten a much higher rating but when i went downstairs to the bathroom, I felt like I’d walked into a date rapist’s grotto.  The brunch is only served upstairs, but the stark contrast made me think twice about ever meeting someone here at night.  Also, the upstairs has some photography that decorates the wall nicely; it gave me something to look at while I waited.
  • Adequate Seating(3/5 points)
This place was DEAD at 1pm on Saturday.  The tables were massively spaced out and they could easily fit one or two more tables in there.
  • Location(2/5 points)
I would rate this higher, as it is really easy to get to from the 2nd avenue stop, but you have to pass Prune and Joe Doe before you get to this place.  I can see it being a great place to bring a drink date, but other than that there are better brunch places in the area.

Bonus(5 points)

None.

Total score 34/55,  or 62%

Bar Breton

Restaurant Information:

254 5th Ave

New York, NY 10001

(212) 213-4999

chefpiano.com

Map:
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Service 11/20 or 55%

  • Hostess(3/5 points)
The hostess was friendly and promptly sat me at a two person table.  Her service was what I would expect but nothing more.
  • Promptness(3/5 points)
The food didn’t take too long to get to us nor did we wait forever to order.  Everything was about average timing wise.  Alertness was more of an issue, though.
  • Alertness(2/5 points)
The waiter was fairly cognizant of our need for water, which I appreciated, but other than that he was kind of oblivious.  We asked for more milk for our coffee twice and it never got refilled.  Also, we asked for more coffee and each of us got only half a cup.  The next time I asked for coffee I got three fourths of a cup.
  • Friendliness(3/5 points)
The people there seemed to have good intentions just did a poor job of much of anything else.  I don’t really see them as going out of their way for any customer in the near future as our service was barely acceptable when the restaurant wasn’t that busy.


Food and Drink 9/20 or 45%

  • Price(1/5 points)
I was going to give this a two, but then I remembered I was charged six dollars for the bacon that was advertised as being five dollars.  Coffee was three dollars and worth maybe one.  My “french toast” was ridiculously priced at twelve dollars.  I left this place feeling like I was ripped off completely.
  • Quality of Food(2/5 points)
At no time during a brunching experience should I ever think, “I should have just paid five dollars at Dunkin Donuts,” but I did.  My “french toast”—I’m using quotes because no part of it tasted/resembled french toast—really tasted like a icing filled donut.  Also, there was really only one square of it.  My bacon was slim, crumbly, and otherwise unremarkable.  It’s truly sad when the best part of my dish was the fruit that garnished it.  On the other hand, my friend’s Madison galette was a surprising mixture of flavors; I’d order one of their galettes if you find yourself stuck here in the future.  Although I found it odd that a dessert menu was offered, the Nutella crepe was fairly tasty.
  • Quality of Beverage(2/5 points)
The coffee was kind of bad, which I’d normally just write off as having a bad cup.  But then I had another cup and got coffee grounds at the bottom of my cup.  Gross.  It really wasn’t that good.
  • Presentation(4/5 points)
Everything did look quite wonderful when it was presented to us.  However, I think only the Nutella crepe lived up to expectations; the rest was a total wash.  Each piece of our meal was presented on an adequately sized dish, some more decorated than others.

Decor and Space 11/20 or 55%

  • Cleanliness(3/5 points)
All the tables, flatware, dishware, and glassware look as clean as I would expect, nothing out of the ordinary in either direction.
  • Theme(3/5 points)
I can’t really say this place had a theme.  Maybe it was a wine bar, maybe it was a restaurant; I couldn’t tell.  I liked the use of color but not the bench seating.  It really felt like they had two totally different interior designers come in to work on the place: one for the walls and ceilings, etc. and the other for the tables and chairs.
  • Adequate Seating(2/5 points)
I’m 6’5” and my friend is 5’8” yet our knees kept bumping into one another at the incredibly uncomfortable booth we were seated in for our meal.  I think they probably could have lost a table or two and easily made the seating far more enjoyable.  By the end of the meal both of us had just swung our legs out to the aisle and leaned back against the wall as we talked.
  • Location(3/5 points)
It’s a very short walk from the subway in a very odd part of Manhattan.  The neighborhood makes me feel like Chinatown tried to open a second section of town on 28th street, but made it even shadier.


Bonus(5 points)

No bonus points could be awarded.

Total score 31/60 or 51.67%

Northeast Kingdom

Restaurant Information:

18 Wyckoff AveBrooklyn, NY 11237-2635
Get Directions

(718) 386-3864

- north-eastkingdom.com

Map:
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Service (6/15) or 40%

  • Hostess(N/A)

There was no hostess that I saw.

  • Promptness(2/5 points)

The bartender/waiter took my order but after that he couldn’t be bothered to follow up with anything.

  • Alertness(1/5 points)

On my seventh attempt to flag the bartender/waiter that was not more than two feet away from me, he finally noticed that I wanted something besides my initial order.  I almost threw my fork at him.  Also, this place gives you a giant bottle of water, which I is major pet peeve of mine.

  • Friendliness(3/5 points)
The people were just about as friendly as you’d expect.


Food and Drink (10/20) or 50%

  • Price(3/5 points)

I’d say the prices were fair for what you got.  That being said…

  • Quality of Food(2/5 points)

My french toast was crunchy?!?! CRUNCHY!! @#%$#.  The only thing that stopped this from getting a one point rating was the bacon; the bacon was fantastic and close to the best I’ve ever had.

  • Quality of Beverage(2/5 points)

The water came in a bottle that was filled with tap water and a very small glass.  The coffee was so bad I thought that I had just gotten a bad cup the first time, but no, it was just bad.

  • Presentation(3/5 points)
The french toast looked nice until I cut into it.  Everything else was just kind of slapdashed.  I get the feeling that not a lot of effort is put into anything at this restaurant.

Decor and Space (11/20) or 55%

  • Cleanliness(3/5 points)

Everything looked as clean as you’d expect.

  • Theme(2/5 points)

The theme really threw me: 90% of the restaurant is a campy hunting lodge theme, but tasteful enough not to offend the hipster locals, and the 10% that makes up the wall to the kitchen looks like a bad attempt at Mondrian art.

  • Adequate Seating(3/5 points)
The seats were placed not too close to each other but not too far either.  I saw a waiter squeeze through behind people a few times, but that’s not out of the ordinary.
  • Location(3/5 points)

It’s a short walk from the L stop, so not too bad.  It’s a bit of a trek out this way, especially if the L isn’t running and you have to take a shuttle bus from Lorimer, which will be continuing until August.


Bonus(5 points)

No bonus points could be awarded.

Overall score: 27/55 or 49%

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