Roebling Tea House

Restaurant Information:

143 Roebling St
Brooklyn, NY 11211-3365
(718) 963-0760
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Service  10/20 or 50%

  • Hostess(1/5 points)

I was baffled at how bad this hostess actually was.  She would wait for people to come in and put their name on a list then walk away completely.  She’d then return and tell them their wait time.  Once she thought she had a table for you she would then wander off again to figure out which table to place you.  I really think she had no concept of how to do her job.

  • Promptness(2/5 points)

Once we were seated we were instantly approached by our waitress.  We were left to ponder the menus for mere moments before she was back asking for our order.  My friend scrambled to order something she had no idea what it was.

  • Alertness(4/5 points)

I will say our drinks were refilled with out a heart beat being missed and I wouldn’t have noticed her if it weren’t for the giant bottle of water plopped down on our table.

  • Friendliness(3/5 points)
I want to say they were friendly, but really I think everyone that works in the waitstaff was just trying to act friendly but really trying to appear like they just don’t care.


Food and Drink 8/20 or 40%

  • Price(1/5 points)

This place was so ridiculously overpriced for what you got that I was kind of insulted.  I felt like my meal probably could have cost 3-4$ less than it did as could have my friends.

  • Quality of Food(3/5 points)

My chicken fried steak was delicious but the steak definitely wasn’t cooked all the way through and I could have done with a bit more of the gravy.  My friend’s dish was basically glorified mixed vegetables with scrambled eggs and bland as bland can be.

  • Quality of Beverage(2/5 points)

My friend said the coffee was nothing to write home about but they did have an extensive listing of teas.  I stuck to water which was served to us in an used wine or champagne bottle.  I was completely unsurprised that the waitress plopped a bottle down on our table, but it seemed like a pain to her to do it in the first place.  This is exactly why I hate The Water Bottle Problem, it turns the simple task of serving water into something that annoys you.

  • Presentation(2/5 points)

If they put effort into the presentation, it wasn’t on the two dishes we ordered.  Everything just looked kind of slapdash.

Decor and Space 15/20 or 75%

  • Cleanliness(3/5 points)

The plates, glasses, and flatware looked about as clean as I would expect, but nothing remarkable.

  • Theme(5/5 points)

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the decor.  This place would be amazing if the waitstaff, price, and food selection didn’t blow.  Personally, I really want to take my camera and do a photo shoot in the restaurant.  The wood tables and patterned wall paper comfort you and the lighting from the large windows make everything feel much warmer.  I didn’t get a chance to sit outside as it was raining, but that option is available if you want it.

  • Adequate Seating(4/5 points)
This I had a hard time grading, I’m not going to lie.  I think this place is actually perfectly designed seating wise, but because of the hostess’ incompetence interjects an unnecessary delay which in turn creates the illusion that there is inadequate seating when really she could split a four top in to two two tops or the other way around and be fine.  I don’t think though she had the capacity to figure that out on her own though and thus the place looked far more packed than it should.
  • Location(3/5 points)

The restaurant is just a short walk from the Bedford L stop or a bit further of a walk from the Lorimer L stop.  The wide open sidewalks make for a pleasant post brunch stroll.  The restaurant is just far enough away from the hipsters that you don’t run into a ton of them, but enough of them gather at the restaurant for it to be annoying and that comes with the Williamsburg location.


Bonus(5 points)

If I could give negative bonus points, I would.

Overall score 33/60 or 55%

The Water Bottle Problem

I know the last two places I reviewed served the water in one big bottle and I have problems with this that I’d like to expound upon so you may have a little insight as to why it bothers me.  I have two main problems with this: the water bottle takes up real estate on the table and it shirks the responsibility of the waiter off to the customer.

My problem with the water bottle taking up real estate is relative to the size, shape of the bottle and to the size, shape of the table.  On a small table, that bottle is taking up space that could be used for something else.  On a bar, it just looks awkward.  I know what you’re going to say, “But that’s how the French and Italians do it.”  Yes, it is in some of their restaurants, but this is neither Paris nor Rome.  Also, it’s not high quality water that I’ve specifically ordered that we’re talking about here; it’s regular cold tap water put into a clear bottle.

My problem with the shirking of responsibility is a bit of bigger deal than the real estate issue.  Your job as a waiter/waitress/bartender is to serve me, the customer.  When a water bottle is placed on the table/bar it says to me, “I can’t be bothered to watch over your beverages like I’m supposed to do so why don’t you take care of it yourself.”  Beverage service is a large part of the job.  I shouldn’t have to stop my meal at any moment do anything other than talk, drink, and cut my food.  Now, what happens if I run out of the water that was stored in the water bottle? You don’t notice, because you haven’t been paying attention to my beverage needs.  Imagine walking into court after paying for a lawyer and the lawyer just slaps a stack of papers down on the table, then sits down in his chair for the remainder of the case while he says you have to defend yourself with the papers he’s prepared; you’d be livid, or probably beyond livid; I feel the same way about the water bottle.  What if I’m drunk or just clumsy and I knock over the bottle? You, the waiter, have to come over and clean it up, I feel embarrassed, and we’ve both waste more time that could be spent doing something more enjoyable.

It’s just not worth it.  Give me a glass of water, refill it when it looks low, and be a good waiter/waitress/bartender and I’ll tip you well.  That’s all there is to it and it’s not hard.

An introduction to the blog

Why did you start this blog?

In January of 2009, my favorite brunch location closed its doors forever; it was the unfortunate end of a twelve year run for the restaurant and a new beginning for me.  I put off starting my journey to find the perfect brunch location and instead brunched at various places nearby where I lived.  I soon grew tired and unimpressed.  Now, with this blog, I start my quest.  I live in a city obsessed with brunching and brunch culture, but I’ve yet to find a solid replacement for the restaurant I loved and lost.

Aren’t there other sites like yelp, city search, and zagat that do essentially what you are doing?

Well, yes and no.  Most of those sites and others break their reviews in to fairly simple elements and don’t really delve into their reasoning for what the metrics they use are and why they were rated the way they are.  Also, sites like yelp, though helpful at finding popular locations, can’t really be trusted for completely accurate data because one person that gives a place three stars could be another person’s two stars, and how different is a three versus three and a half star place?  You don’t know because it’s just one giant popularity contest.

What qualifies me to review food?  What separates me from other people?

I love food.  No, let me say that again: I love food.  As many of you know, there is a direct correlation between your sense of smell and your sense of  taste.  Before I was sixteen, my nose was completely nonfunctional.  Imagine living sixteen years with one set of tastes then having a door to a whole new world of flavor open up for you.  That’s exactly what happened to me.  I’m hyper-sensitive to smell—Macy’s perfume department makes me sick—and with that comes a more sensitive palate.  I don’t savor moments of flavor, I bask in them.

Will I let restaurants know I’m coming or alert them to the fact I’m reviewing them while I’m there?

No, absolutely not.  I want my experience to mirror exactly what you would expect to get if you were to walk in right behind me.  I feel that if you alert the restaurant or let them know you’re reviewing them while you’re there you run the risk of them trying to go out of their way to impress you and thus taint the experience.

What are my metrics?

Good question and here they are:

Service

  • Hostess(5 points) (optional)

I realize not all locations have hostesses but they do play a part in your dining experience.  They’re the first person you see at a restaurant and generally your first impression as well.

  • Promptness(5 points)

Are my requests met in a timely manner?  Does the waiter/waitress meet me shortly after I’m seated?

  • Alertness(5 points)

Is the waiter/waitress checking up on her customers or does he/she seem to be unconcerned?  Do my water and coffee get refilled when they start to get low?

  • Friendliness(5 points)
How nice are the people that I interact with while in the restaurant?


Food and Drink

  • Price(5 points)

Is the price fair?  Do I feel like I’m getting enough for what I paid or are they overcharging?

  • Quality of Food(5 points)

How does it taste?  Have I had better?  Could it be better?  Is it cooked well enough? Is it cooked too much?  If I specified cooking directions were they followed?

  • Quality of Beverage(5 points)

Same idea as above, but for coffee, water, and other beverages.

  • Presentation(5 points)

How does the food look when it arrives at the table?  Is it all slopped onto a plate or is it arranged neatly and nicely?

Decor and Space

  • Cleanliness(5 points)

Does all the flatware, dishware, napkins, and glassware look clean?  Are there spots or food bits on anything?

  • Theme(5 points)

Does is seem like there is a constant theme to the restaurant decor or is it a giant mess of things here and there?

  • Adequate Seating(5 points)
Can I sit comfortably in my seat or am I jammed in like a sardine in a can?  Does it look like they’re using their space well?
  • Location(5 points)

Is it easy to get to or is it hard to find?  Is it clearly marked?  What trains do I take to get there and how far from the station is it?


Bonus(5 points)

Up to five points based on something that I find interesting or particularly rewarding that can’t really be accounted for in the other sections, i.e. they make their own hot sauce, or the guacamole was made in front of me, and so on and so forth.

All metrics are added together and averaged both in individual catagories and cumulative.  Bonus points are added to the cumulative only.

What’s my ideal brunch?

The honest answer is that it varies from restaurant to restaurant.  I like a balance between sweet, salty, and savory.  I don’t believe that sour or bitter tastes have any place in a brunch, but that doesn’t mean I’m not open to trying something with said flavors.  What do I mean by sweet, salty, and savory?  Think pancakes, bacon, eggs with coffee and maybe juice or some other beverage.  The problem with going too sweet is that you’ll get a carbohydrate crash.  The problem with eating too much protein is that you end up feeling lethargic and heavy.  The problem with going too salty is that you spend all your time drinking water to rehydrate yourself instead of eating.  Like I said, I seek balance in the three.

Can you suggest locations to me?

Absolutely.  Just leave me a comment telling me where you think I should visit and I’ll put it on my list of places to try.

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Themed by: Hunson